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Remembering: February 14th, 2009
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I arrived at Dad's house that morning to find that it was all business. The nurse was coming and Dad wanted me to be prepared. I think he temporarily forgot how super organized I was. As the intake nurse explained what services Hospice provides, I saw sadness in my Dad's eyes. He was never one to admit defeat, or that he needed help from anyone else, and this woman in his living room signified both. I asked my usual barrage of questions and after some vitals were taken, she took her leave. There was a heavy feeling in the house once I closed the door behind her. She never said end of life care, or death, but we all knew what she meant. Everything has an ending. We didn't know when, but we knew it was coming.
My Dad had always been religious. When I was younger, we always went to midnight mass for Christmas if he was in the states. I think Dad found comfort in his faith, and that would become important in his last weeks. We decided to go to church that night, and it was a moment I will forever remember. My Dad and I didn't always get along. And being family, we both made mistakes that hurt each other. But that night in church, with the priest speaking a language I barely understand, I found forgiveness. This post may seem cryptic and for that I apologize. But, when you offer someone forgiveness it comes with a certain amount of discretion. What was said will matter little to you, but know that it closed a door to a dark room in my past.
Dad and I were a part of the service that night, although I didn't know it until Dad got up and beckoned me to follow. That's how I want to remember it, but in reality I had to help him walk there. I think part of it was his illness, and part of it was what he was experiencing in church that night. Knowing he was going home soon had rallied his faith for its final stand.
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