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Remembering: February 15th, 2009
Monday, February 15, 2010
I think this was the only day dad was angry. We sat at dinner with his friend Eric and as dad realized he had no appetite to eat the food before him, he became angry. You could see the bitterness on his face, behind a slight hint of tears. He looked at us and all he saw was life, and he was resentful. This was the only moment I remember my Dad being truly angry with me. And I didn't begrudge him this anger, I would have been too. He scowled at us and made veiled attempts to keep polite conversation. He would have none of my silliness that night, and I didn't push it.
As his anger swelled, he sharpened his tongue and lashed out at my sister. To be fair, that argument/confrontation was a long time coming. My sister and him had never had a great relationship and they relied for too long on me to keep them together. He asked Elizabeth why she never tried, why she waited until it was too late. He never got an answer. At that point though, the answer didn't matter.
As I sat there, playing referee I saw just how weak my Dad had become. Weeks in the hospital and a deteriorating ability to eat had not been kind to him. What I remember most, was his neck. He sat at the kitchen table, beaten by disease, and I could see it. He had lost so much weight, and he was yellow with jaundice. I think after this, I will choose to forget what Dad looked like at that table. This won't be the only image I have to forget.
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